A couple of kids are fooling around in a cemetery at night,
being hooligans, when they bang up a gravestone. Not any gravestone, but the immature,
selfish, gluttonous Raven. Raven emerges
from the ground in front of the gravestone, enraged at the disrespect that was
paid to her. These kids have to pay for
their insolence to their ancestors!
Raven then finds the hooligans hanging around a gravesite,
one sitting on a gravestone, and the other is drawing graffiti on the
gravestone. She sneaks up behind the one
on the gravestone and lunges at them, but the kid just happens to sneeze when
she does. Raven stops herself before she
flies too far and turns around in fury to look for the kids when she sees that
they’ve moved elsewhere. Raven is
getting even more ticked off, writhing and reeling around. Then she turns around and spots them desecrating
another grave by destroying the flowers and bouquet laid there. Raven rushes to get at them again, but once
again, she misses them when they happen to trip on their mess.
Raven is livid. Her
form starts to look more demonic and her face distorted with extreme
anger. She shows herself before the
ruffians as they get up from their fall, towering over them. She opens her mouth and lowers her head unto
them. The teenagers are frozen
stiff. CRUNCH! Raven is gnawing on a bone while relaxing at
her gravesite, which is now decorated by two human skeletons.
This is pleasantly and satisfyingly morbid. I like how you give a reason to root for Raven, and although what she does to the teenagers is pretty horrible, I felt like "Yeah!" when she ate them.
ReplyDeleteIt might be interesting that instead of the hooligans just banging up Raven's grave, she might have food or fruits or something placed at her grave as an offering and they've stolen them. That might tick her off even more since she's a hungry ghost and is gluttonous. They eat her food, she eats them haha.
Ooooh yeah, good idea!! Thanks, Megan!
DeleteBe specific about what the kids are doing, who they are, what they look like. Place me there! Consider Raven’s being awakened from the dead. Make it a dramatic event – again, place me there and make me feel what the kids feel. Her struggle to catch them seems overly simple and her catching them in the end very easy. Not much drama or emotional impact.
ReplyDelete